You Don't Want To Be Self-conscious; You Want To Be Self-Aware.

Dear friend,

Do you know where that feeling comes from?

That eerie feeling that no one would hire you because you s*ck and your work is just not good enough.

That soul-draining feeling that our being doesn't justify itself.

After five months, I am pitching agencies and marketing executives again. But, in the last 32 hours, I've struggled to snap out of that feeling. In fact, I sent only five pitches while ignoring more than 20 other opportunities- I felt I didn't fit at all.

I might be right or wrong.

Right- in the sense that we all know when we are a good/great/excellent/bad fit for a content marketing opportunity. This is us being self-aware of our strengths. Nothing wrong with that. I won't apply for an Snr. SEO Strategist Role when I've only got two years of SEO practice. Some people will disagree with this and say, "you can do anything". Sure! But be realistic.

I might be wrong in the sense that our social anxiety often gets the best of us, telling us we are not good enough, so we avoid giving ourselves a shot. That is the one I want to talk to you about.

That is self-consciousness. Not-so-surprisingly, it's also humanity's biggest phobia.

While thinking about this problem and how to combat it, I noted some debatable truisms I'd love to share with you. I hope it makes you think about social phobia as a content writer, identify the factors that expose you to it, and devise unique means to fight it.

But before I get into that, I want you to know this:

The History of Humanity is The History of Self-consciousness.

"And they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves" (Gen 3: 7)

Friend, our social anxiety is inherited. Biologically, from the first man and woman.

Otherwise, where do you think our fear of nakedness comes from? Fear of embarrassment. Fear of being exposed. Fear of being vulnerable.

And it's not just biblically proven (as in Gen 3:7)- it's also proven in biology, literature, and anthropology.

• Richard Dawkin's theory of the 'Selfish gene’ proposes that it is genes that survive, not individuals.

• In Jeffrey Eugenide's Pulitzer prize-winning novel Middlesex (2002), the American novelist echoes Dawkin's proposition, saying, "what humans forget, cells remember" (99).

• Anthropologist and researcher Lynne A. Isabell also discovered that humans have the best vision among all primates because we evolved to identify snakes/serpents.

Here is what I am saying.

Our struggle with self-consciousness is as old as our humanity’s existence. It has survived, evolved, and adapted to all forms of human social interaction.

From the days of babbling sounds for communication to modern digital interactions, social phobia, and self-consciousness have existed.

And it has brought empires to the ground and suppressed geniuses who refused to show their work.

• Self-consciousness is accepting feelings of shame and disappointment about your nature because you’re letting external factors define what you should be.

• Self-awareness is looking within yourself and identifying what you are, what makes you unique, what you’ve learned from your mistakes, and finding a way to fix the nature of your being.

• Self-consciousness says: Why is this happening to me? Self-awareness says: What is this trying to teach me?

With that in mind, here are some truisms that can help you quickly identify where you’re expressing self-consciousness and how to snap out.

You know what they know doesn’t mean you’ve done what they’ve done

This one is quite personal to me. I have a Twitter friend whom I consider a very close colleague. You’d find him at the top if you check my top fans. One day, a big account requested recommendations for a content writing role, and he recommended six people without considering me.

For a long time, I was vexed about this because I felt I should be his first recommendation. I considered him a bad friend. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

In content writing, when it comes to recommendation, people want to recommend people like them, people whose work is above or at least of equal quality to theirs. Why? Your reputation is on the line.

One day, I looked at his portfolio and had to pick my jaw from my keyboard. His work is beyond phenomenal. And honestly, that was the case for most of the people he recommended.

You see, social media is a leveler. You can easily converse on Twitter with people you only see on TV. Because I often share golden nuggets on content marketing and brilliant ideas, I felt that know what they know and, consequently, was on par with them professionally.

This is false.

Knowing what they know doesn’t mean you’ve done the things they’ve done. The type of results they’ve achieved for their clients, the high DA guest posts they’ve published, and the quality of connections and referrals they’ve built.

So, my friend, when someone picks someone else over you, self-consciousness wants you to hate them for being unfair or hate yourself for not being good enough. Please don’t fall for it.

Instead, assess the situation; learn from them, and do the work.

Rejection is not up to you- Your job is to apply.

“Don’t self-reject yourself.”

I can’t remember where I saw that quote, but it’s stayed with me ever since.

How many times have you seen an opportunity you ideally qualify for but refused to send an application? If you can count the number of times, you probably started content writing a week ago. Even the pro amongst us feels the same despite decades of experience.

That’s self-rejection, and it’s another sign of self-consciousness. The best way to curb it is to assert yourself to action. Know what you can/cannot control. Do what needs to be done. And move to the next task.

Rejection or acceptance is not up to you; your job is to give yourself a chance. Let the recruiter do their job. Nobody will call you out on LinkedIn for writing a bad pitch (Don’t write a bad pitch, though).

The Fear of Being Diagnosed is Blind Spot For Improvement.

The medical term for this is Hypochondriasis. Or illness anxiety disorder.

For You and I, content writers, it is the fear that our work is not good enough. It took me more than 3 years before I started sharing my work on Twitter.

Guess what happened after- NOTHING.

No one called me out for being a fraud. No one wrote hurtful comments saying they are disappointed in me. No one gave me Cersie Lannister’s walk of shame.

It took me 3 years of avoiding diagnosis to discover I was not ill.

• Then I wrote a thread that got 70,000 impressions and thousands of likes.

• Was invited to speak on a Twitter space.

• Shared insightful posts everyday.

• And now I write this letter to you every week.

Don’t be afraid of being diagnosed. Allow yourself to be examined. Take it from Socrates:

Source

You Can’t Write a 10/10 Blog Post Everyday- Let The Law Of Averages Decide Your Quality

This one is my biggest challenge.

I admire people like Ryan Law of Animalz, Devesh & Benji of Grow&Convert, Sarah Gerensonbach of B2BWI, Victor Ijidola of Premium Content Shop, and my former trainer Ali Faagba.

For me, all their works are 10/10. I hold myself to that standard. It's like the bare minimum for me.

• I want Sarah's powerful control of humour without losing touch with facts.

• I like Victor's conversational prowess (Read his post on writing thought leadership content).

• I will steal Ali's B2B voice if possible.

• Ryan's impeccable mix of philosophy and marketing keeps me awake.

• Benji & Devesh's disruptive SEO models changed how I think about writing.

But I've been so obsessed with these people's work that I have failed to assess myself. I read articles on my portfolio and just reclined into the cushion of my work chair, feeling embarrassed.

If you often feel like this too, know this- you cannot write 10/10 content daily. The people I mentioned also have their days of writing 3/10 content. But the average number of their work equals quality.

To follow the law of averages and increase your output, think about this next truism.

Don't Be Infinite. Embrace Limitation.

“with limitation comes creativity”

If I say,
"Let's play a game. You go first"? How would you feel?

You would be the most confused person in the room.

Why? Because there are no rules. What you can do is limitless, yet you can't do anything.

That's exactly how it feels when you have an idea, it's burning from the back of your heads to the tips of your fingers. You want to write, but you don't know how to start.

Should you begin with an anecdote, a stat, or a question? The possibilities are limitless. Before you know it, you put that idea away to draft another idea— again— burning from the back of your head to your fingertips.

And so you go on-and-on until you have a draft of 50 ideas that no one will ever read.

Don't be infinite. Don't be limitless. Embrace limitations to increase your output and open chances for continuous improvement.

• Create a process to go from idea to publication and follow it strictly.

• Take what you learn and improve the process as you go on.

• Work expands to fill time. Confine yours

• Learn from others. Ask for help. Know the rules that worked for them. Then create yours.

In one of the following letters, we'll see how top writers go from idea to execution without breaking things.

Feedback is a blessing not a condemnation

I’ve mentioned earlier that most of us who hold ourselves to a high standard struggle most with self-consciousness. Receiving feedback is one aspect of content writing where this struggle is most evident.

When you think you’ve written the best piece on the internet for a topic, and your editor returns with a line-by-line comment. Honestly, it’s soul-quenching.

But one reason it feels like that is that you treat the feedback like a condemnation of your work. You cannot believe you are not as smart as you imagined. You might even feel exposed and incompetent.

That’s self-consciousness.

Feedback is a blessing unless the comments are disrespectful and contain a vulgar tone.

• It shows you how you can add more value to your client’s business

• It shows you where you can improve your process.

• It teaches you to be humble

• It teaches you how to manage yourself and others.

• It examines you

Remember, the unexamined life is not worth living. And some of the best marketers in the game agree.

Protip: Use The 8 seconds rule.

When you receive feedback that overwhelms you, wait 8 seconds before responding- that’s if you must respond promptly. Otherwise, it’s better to sleep over it.

I’ve found that in 8 seconds, I can objectively examine the thinking behind the comments and how the adjustment might make the work even better. 9/10 times, I am happy with the final result.

Some things are not your fault [and you should know them]

No matter your ambition level, dedication, sheer talent, or perseverance, some things will not work out for you, and that's okay.

If you're shorter than the required height to draft for the army, you won't get drawn for it- no matter how badly you want it. Your height is not your fault. Things like this are the nature of being.

As a content writer, know:

• The company did not reject you because you're black. They prefer hiring locally.

• Being black or being located outside the specified area is not your fault. It's a condition of your being.

Self-consciousness will tell you they don't respect diversity. Self-awareness will ask you to look for companies hiring internationally.

Don't fall for it.

Thoughts and recommendations

Becoming the best version of yourself is a long process. If you master self-awareness, you'd wake up one day and realise you're where you want to be.

Not because you got lucky or had an unfair advantage, but by defeating the social phobia that makes you self-conscious and limits your ability to examine and improve.

If you loved this letter, I'd love to know how you deal with self-consciousness.

Thanks.